“Leave a message…

So the other day, I called someone and got through to their voice mail…let me tell you, when I was through laughing, I actually forgot to leave a message.

Red Rotary Phone

In the highly advanced technological era that we live in, voice mail has replaced the traditional answering machine for many people. However, believe it or not some people still have some form of answering service on their landlines and let’s not forget those annoying answering services provided by some businesses which require you to press an indefinite amount of numbers! -_-

I’ve heard some ridiculous messages over the years and have come to realize that you can tell a lot about a person by the message of instruction that they leave for unsuspecting callers.

I’ve decided to identify a few of the personalities I’ve come across in my telephonic travels.

We have the Life of the Party: When you connect to this person’s answering service your ears are assaulted by the loud lyrics of some  trendy song. Some decide to play an entire verse of the song and may even throw in the hook before the tone sounds for you to leave a message. God forbid you’re paying some insane rate for those minutes of call time…or worse, you’re calling from overseas or out-of-state and you’ve lost about a year of your child’s tuition waiting to leave your message.

Another type I’ve come across is The Phone Whisperer: This is the person that makes you want to crawl into the earpiece to hear their message/instructions. You’ve plugged your non-listening ear with one of your fingers, closed your eyes and concentrated with the effort of a yogi to try to decipher what-the-heck this person is saying.

You’ve hit #7 (or whatever number it is where you are) to repeat the message or maybe re-dialed the person’s number to hear their message/instructions again..and you’re none-the-wiser. You’d have to recruit a speaking dog to hear the decibels of this person’s speech. One time I got a message like this and I was this close to calling the cops because I swore the person must be calling from the trunk of someone’s car and trying not to be discovered.

Now…we’ve come to my favourite (not) type the Practical Joker: This person thinks it’s hi-lar-ious to go: “Hey, what’s up?” or “Hello? Hello? Helloooooo???!” and have you carry on a conversation only to go: “Hahahahaha got ya! Leave a message!” 😀 Or worse…don’t even SAY “Gotcha!” They just allow you to continue yacking away until you hear the tone to leave a message. -_-  Stop it!! People got things to do! *grumbles*

This next type you usually get on land line answering machines; The Brady Bunch. This is the person who lists out everyone who lives under the roof. If you were not sure you’d dialed the right number, you’re about to find out. “Hello? You’ve reached the Brady’s…Greg, Jan, Marsha, Peter…and (insert dog’s name here) are not available…” Never call this family from a pay phone or if you’re having a shoddy call signal. No bueno. 😀

We also have Mr. or Miss. Posh/Prim: “Hellowww, you’ve reach the voicemail or Gregory / Gloria Poupon, please leave a brief message and I’ll get back to you at my earliest convenience.” (Sure…take your time…don’t want to inconvenience you or anything). 🙂

I’m sure we’ve all come across this type: Mr./Miss Informative: These people have obviously never heard of the term stalker because even though they’re not available to take your call, they will give you a range of options as to where exactly they might be found/reached. “Hello? It’s xxxx I’m either playing golf/ in Miami at the moment/ at work/ at my mother’s/ at the supermarket…leave a message and I’ll get back to you.” Well damn! That was…informative. :-/

Of course this type is one of the more popular ones- I’m Unavailable (but really available): “Hello? You’ve reached xxx I’m unavailable at the moment but if it’s important you can reach me at 123-456-xxxx, or Whatsapp me, Face Book me, send me a tweet to @imjustscreeningmycalls 😀

Up next we have the Ghost Message aka Ambient Sounds:This is the voice mail or answering service that leaves you confused. You hear that the line is open…so you’re waiting for someone to speak…but no one does, so then you’re waiting for the instructions to click on…but it doesn’t. You start speaking because you’re not sure if someone is there or not but you’re definitely hearing background noise…so you start speaking thinking they’re waiting on you to speak, only to have the message tone blare in the middle of your sentence! You’re looking at your phone like: “Seriously?!” Then you get that look on your face that Kermit does when he’s not impressed with someone’s lack of intelligence.

Courtesy: Muppet Central

Courtesy: Muppet Central

Now this type, I’m not going to say it’s annoying… it’s the “Isn’t my kid the cutest thing?!”– This type sometimes gets their child to leave a really cute message like “Mummy and Daddy are not home right now…” etc but sometimes the child has not yet mastered vowel sounds, so while the voice is cute…you have no clue what is being said then it’s the message tone and it’s “Go time” so you leave your message and hope it’s not the baby that’s checking them.

I’ll let you guess which type I am…maybe I’m a combo…Hmmmm! LOL!

Which type are you? 😀

Have you come across any other types that I can include in my non-funded research?


Feel free to ‘leave a message’ below- 😀 CN



7 thoughts on ““Leave a message…

  1. This is HILARIOUS!!! I’m the “to the point” type. I’m not available leave a message. Lol. Short and sweet. I also get a kick out of those who preach a sermon before the tone. “THIS IS THE DAY THE LORD HAS MADE LET US REJOICE AND BE GLAD IN IT” assaults your ear drums before the tone.

  2. I guess i was once guilty of having music on my voicemail, and a long tune at that (Cringing at the memory)! By the time people got round to leaving me a voicemail they often forgot what they wanted to say and would leave me a cussing on my choice of music and the length of it or those that would ask me what tune is that? Lool

    Nowadays i leave the phone company take care of that.

    • Oh no!!! You were the voicemail I try to avoid! 😀 I have used music before but as a background to my message, lol not whole verses plus chorus! Lol..,I can just imagine the messages that were left! lol Glad you have reformed and thanks for reading and replying!

  3. If I ever had any doubt that you are a fool,..lolol. 🙂 I am over here brukin wid laugh. I have no patience for elaborate, ghost whispering,partying, over zealous voice message prompts. Ain’t nobody got time fa dat…lol. If 5 seconds pass and I don’t hear ‘leave a message’, I’m hanging up.

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